The Truth Is...

I have been totally and completely MIA from my blogs for the past few weeks.

The truth is... I really haven't been feeling it.  I hate my blog posts that don't come from the heart.. the posts that I just throw out there because I feel like I need to plug something in at the time.  So, I just didn't do it. 

The truth is... I have been feeling overwhelmed at the idea of posting on here.  What to say?  What to share?  I just don't know anymore. 

The truth is... that really isn't like me.  But then again, I really am not myself right now.  I was looking through my photo roll on my phone (ran out of space again and needed to free it up) and noticed a difference physically in myself over the past four weeks.  I'm not talking physical as in I'm thinner, or my muscles are more defined.  No.  I'm talking the bags under my eyes, the weak, fake smile, the new wrinkles on my forehead.  I'm just faking it until I make it right now.  After all this is my favorite time of the year.

The truth is... I'm mad at myself for being so blue right now... seeing as it IS my favorite time of the year.  I usually GLOW during Christmastime.  Now, I'm just going through the motions.

The truth is... stress. is. a. fun. sucker.  There.  I said it.  Pardon my language... but fuck stress --- see I told you I haven't been myself.  Not going into personal details but life is stressful for our little family right now. 

The truth is... I know it won't last forever.  I KNOW this.  Yet, I don't believe it. Have you ever felt this way?  Yeah... it's terrible.

The truth is... you are not alone.

And you know what, sometimes you need to just hear it (read it) to KNOW you aren't alone so here are some truths for you about me right now...

The truth is...

I'm on my fourth cup of coffee today.

I took a shower today and forced myself to put makeup on and do my hair, 90% so I felt like I'm not a complete slob, 10% because I was actually leaving my house.

I have been procrastinating dinner every night for about two weeks because I've lost my cooking mojo... if you happen to find it, send it back.

I have made only two batches of Christmas cookies this year and have eaten about 25% of the ones I have made.

I feel like I'm not giving my boys or my husband enough for Christmas this year.

I haven't had a full night's sleep in months.

I have been forcing myself to get my workouts in and even though I am exhausted by the end of them, I feel like I am not focusing or giving my all during them.

I cleaned my house like a mad woman this week because I feel like it's the only thing I am good at right now.

My RBF is strong right now and I'm probably offending a lot of people with it, I don't mean to...

Stress is a sneaky little bitch.

I can't wait for Christmas break so I can sleep in and have my boys home to snuggle with all day.

I'm hating this warm weather... I need it to be about 20 degrees cooler.

I hear what I am saying to myself... and it isn't nice.

I know I'm not alone and that other people are dealing with so much worse.

I know that I am blessed to even have the stress we have because it means we are working towards our goals.

I am loved.

That if this reaches one person who needs a positive thought or prayer their way... they got it!

The truth is, if you are reading this and just needed to know you aren't alone, that the hiding behind the smile and the laughter and then crying when you are alone is something only you are experiencing... you aren't.

The truth is... I'm ready to count my blessings, stop talking so negatively to myself and give myself a mental slap in the face and gear up for a fun and joyous Christmas... are you?

So... that is where I have been.  I hope to get out of this funk and get back to sharing fun posts, recipes and fitness tips and advice. 2015 is almost over and I only have great things planned for 2016.

Merry Christmas!!!  ~Joslin

PS The truth is... I normally add pictures to my posts but not today.  Words are more powerful right now.