The Comparison Trap
Have you ever said to yourself that you have nothing to offer? That you aren't "special."
I sure have.
Many times. I still have doubts about myself, my confidence and what I have to offer.
I often times think back to my childhood and about all my dreams and wishes. How is is possible as children, we just know what we want to be when we grow up... but now as a 33 year old woman, I still have no idea what I want to be, who I am, or where I am going in life.
I recently have done some digging in this area, as this past year have been pretty amazing for me because as I worked on my outside appearance, I also worked on my inside. And I realized that 99% of the reason I feel this way is because of the "comparison trap."
As human beings, especially a women, we can get caught up in this trap and in the end feel empty and worthless, confused and insecure. What is even worse is when we tear each other apart. I recently made a Facebook post about this and the more and more I thought about it, the more I wanted to write it here. Sorry dudes that read this, but this is about to get real about catty women!
Mean girls.
I used to be one of them. I am ashamed to admit that up until recently, I think I still fell into that category somewhat. But, back in the day... you know (eek) 15-20 years ago (OMG how was middle and high school THAT long ago?!) I was a MEAN girl. I didn't understand it at the time, but what made me that mean girl was falling into the comparison trap. I came from a VERY small Catholic elementary school, and when I started middle school I just wanted to fit in. So I started comparing myself to the "popular" girls. I wanted to be JUST like them, regardless of my upbringing.
I gossiped. I made fun. I said awful, mean things. I wanted a boyfriend just because my "friends" had them, then I would make him like me and dump him. I was MEAN. And this didn't just last for middle school, this went on through high school and college and even into my 20s. I am ashamed to admit that this is how I acted. SO, if YOU are one of the people I was so mean to... and you are reading this... please forgive me. I cannot excuse my actions, I can only apologize and move on as a better person.
Fast forward to last week. I received a phone call from a friend whom I haven't spoken with in a few years. I will not go into details because they are irrelevant, but I will tell you the gist. She told me a horrible story about what had been going on in her life, about a friend who intentionally went out of her way to put her down... on a personal level, but worse, also on a professional level at work. A FRIEND turned enemy... not sure there is anything worse than that for your confidence. A friend who used words as daggers to purposely hurt her. Needless to say, I was speechless. My heart aches for her, as I know she is feeling defeated and betrayed... at the hands of another woman.
Somewhere along the line, the comparison trap got the best of that person. Leading her to COMPETE with my friend. But when we compare and compete, no one ever wins.
As if this wasn't enough, later that day I left for a trip. As I stood in line at airport security I noticed the women standing in front of me. I couldn't help but notice them, because in my new found "niceness" and deciding to only say and think nice things, I was thinking they were so well put together.. pretty.. about my age and they looked like they were genuinely having a good time... maybe leaving for a girls weekend. Until... they opened their mouths.
Now, I really did not try to nor want to eavesdrop on their conversation but they were talking so loud that I could not help but hear them.... as they tore apart the women they were talking about. I can only assume they are friends with the women they were making fun of and criticizing because they knew intimate details about their lives. As I waited there, I suddenly wanted the security line to move much much faster. I prayed for these women, the women they were gossiping about and I prayed for THIS LINE TO MOOOOOOVE!!! Well, my prayers were answered (at the cost of my laptop which had gone through the x-ray machine and ended up getting dumped out of its bin on the other side in which I can only describe as a slow moving 20 bag pile up, but I didn't care, I just wanted away from them.)
So, for those of you who don't follow me on Facebook.... this is the status that I posted right after this encounter... which by the way was followed by running into the same women in the bathroom. They were still gossiping. LOUDLY.
Can we all stop competing, and just be the person we truly are? I don't want to fall into this trap any more. I am hoping that 2015 will be the year of confidence for me... for YOU... for everyone. Don't ever think that what you are doing is not important. We all have different abilities, that is what makes us all UNIQUE. Let's stop competing with each other, we are meant to COMPLETE and encourage each other. So let's work on that! I recently read this passage in the book "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope (which I highly recommend reading) and it really spoke to me...
Maybe that will click for you like it did for me. It is so true. We should not judge, or compare... because we really have no idea what is going on for that other person.
Be happy. Be grateful. Be YOU!
Thank you for reading, have a GREAT day! ~ Joslin
I sure have.
Many times. I still have doubts about myself, my confidence and what I have to offer.
I often times think back to my childhood and about all my dreams and wishes. How is is possible as children, we just know what we want to be when we grow up... but now as a 33 year old woman, I still have no idea what I want to be, who I am, or where I am going in life.
I recently have done some digging in this area, as this past year have been pretty amazing for me because as I worked on my outside appearance, I also worked on my inside. And I realized that 99% of the reason I feel this way is because of the "comparison trap."
As human beings, especially a women, we can get caught up in this trap and in the end feel empty and worthless, confused and insecure. What is even worse is when we tear each other apart. I recently made a Facebook post about this and the more and more I thought about it, the more I wanted to write it here. Sorry dudes that read this, but this is about to get real about catty women!
Mean girls.
I used to be one of them. I am ashamed to admit that up until recently, I think I still fell into that category somewhat. But, back in the day... you know (eek) 15-20 years ago (OMG how was middle and high school THAT long ago?!) I was a MEAN girl. I didn't understand it at the time, but what made me that mean girl was falling into the comparison trap. I came from a VERY small Catholic elementary school, and when I started middle school I just wanted to fit in. So I started comparing myself to the "popular" girls. I wanted to be JUST like them, regardless of my upbringing.
I gossiped. I made fun. I said awful, mean things. I wanted a boyfriend just because my "friends" had them, then I would make him like me and dump him. I was MEAN. And this didn't just last for middle school, this went on through high school and college and even into my 20s. I am ashamed to admit that this is how I acted. SO, if YOU are one of the people I was so mean to... and you are reading this... please forgive me. I cannot excuse my actions, I can only apologize and move on as a better person.
Fast forward to last week. I received a phone call from a friend whom I haven't spoken with in a few years. I will not go into details because they are irrelevant, but I will tell you the gist. She told me a horrible story about what had been going on in her life, about a friend who intentionally went out of her way to put her down... on a personal level, but worse, also on a professional level at work. A FRIEND turned enemy... not sure there is anything worse than that for your confidence. A friend who used words as daggers to purposely hurt her. Needless to say, I was speechless. My heart aches for her, as I know she is feeling defeated and betrayed... at the hands of another woman.
Somewhere along the line, the comparison trap got the best of that person. Leading her to COMPETE with my friend. But when we compare and compete, no one ever wins.
As if this wasn't enough, later that day I left for a trip. As I stood in line at airport security I noticed the women standing in front of me. I couldn't help but notice them, because in my new found "niceness" and deciding to only say and think nice things, I was thinking they were so well put together.. pretty.. about my age and they looked like they were genuinely having a good time... maybe leaving for a girls weekend. Until... they opened their mouths.
Now, I really did not try to nor want to eavesdrop on their conversation but they were talking so loud that I could not help but hear them.... as they tore apart the women they were talking about. I can only assume they are friends with the women they were making fun of and criticizing because they knew intimate details about their lives. As I waited there, I suddenly wanted the security line to move much much faster. I prayed for these women, the women they were gossiping about and I prayed for THIS LINE TO MOOOOOOVE!!! Well, my prayers were answered (at the cost of my laptop which had gone through the x-ray machine and ended up getting dumped out of its bin on the other side in which I can only describe as a slow moving 20 bag pile up, but I didn't care, I just wanted away from them.)
So, for those of you who don't follow me on Facebook.... this is the status that I posted right after this encounter... which by the way was followed by running into the same women in the bathroom. They were still gossiping. LOUDLY.
"Long post alert.... But...
What is UP women!? Why are you so mean to each other!?
I am completely appalled by a couple things in particular today. One I will not share because I am just sad and disturbed by it. But I will share this one... I got in line at the airport security behind two middle aged women. I didn't MEAN to eavesdrop their conversation but, in my defense they were talking REALLY loud. Long story short, because I think this will be a bonus blog post for the week.... they are mean mean mean women. The things they were saying about what I can only assume are their friends just shocked me.
I wanted to scream GROW UP at them but I really want to see my peeps in da 'burgh this weekend and didn't want to make myself look like the crazy lady at the airport.
But really. This is just one example.
Women. GET. IT. TOGETHER.
God does NOT want us to compete with each other, he wants us to COMPLETE each other. To not tear each other down (or apart in the case of these women at the airport).
That is all."
Can we all stop competing, and just be the person we truly are? I don't want to fall into this trap any more. I am hoping that 2015 will be the year of confidence for me... for YOU... for everyone. Don't ever think that what you are doing is not important. We all have different abilities, that is what makes us all UNIQUE. Let's stop competing with each other, we are meant to COMPLETE and encourage each other. So let's work on that! I recently read this passage in the book "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope (which I highly recommend reading) and it really spoke to me...
"'Every time I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.'"
Maybe that will click for you like it did for me. It is so true. We should not judge, or compare... because we really have no idea what is going on for that other person.
Be happy. Be grateful. Be YOU!
Thank you for reading, have a GREAT day! ~ Joslin
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