Must Be Nice
Being apologetic has its time and place. Like when you hurt your friend's feelings, or do something to upset your spouse. When you say something unkind in the heat of the moment. When you cut someone off in traffic. When you act like a fool and embarrass people you love.
I'm sorry goes a long way in those situations.
Where it doesn't belong is after sharing something exciting going on in YOUR life. What do I mean? It's the "must be nice" syndrome. I cannot even begin to tell you how much that phrase irks me. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have heard this in my life.
My life. Not yours. Not anyone else's. Mine.
I was raised in farm country outside of Pittsburgh, PA. My father was an airline pilot for a major carrier. "Must be nice," they said. Must be nice to have all that money. Must be nice to have a hard working father. Must be nice to have your mom be able to stay home and take care of FOUR children. Must be nice. They said.
Well you know what? I was sheltered from my father's income... I truly had no idea how much airline pilots made, nor did I care. I thought it was pretty awesome that my DAD took care of getting hundreds of people daily safely to their destinations. I was in awe of his skill and cool under incredibly stressful situations almost every single day on the job. My dad was also gone five days a week. We would say goodbye to him Monday morning (sometimes Sunday night if he left super early on Monday) and didn't see him (or hear from him really since it was before cell phones) until Friday night. My mom? She worked her ASS off to raise four humble, polite, respectful, God fearing children basically as a single mother. She carted our butts around to soccer and softball and gymnastics. She made meals, packed lunches and volunteered at our school. Yeah. Must be nice.
Fast forward to now. Must be nice is something I hear even MORE often. I used to shush it under the table, but you know what? I gotta say something. Must be nice to have a beautiful home in a tropical surfer town? Must be nice to be able to be a stay at home mom? Must be nice to drive a nice car? Must be nice to make our own schedules? Must. Be. Nice. I hear it A LOT. Gag me. Seriously.
My husband and I met when we were 21. He was already establishing himself in the medical equipment world with his own company. At TWENTY. ONE. He owned his own house and car and didn't live off his parents. When we got engaged the day after our 23rd birthdays (yes we were born 10 hours apart!! ---- FATE!), we were too young "they" said. People I hung out with back then? Must be nice to find someone at such a young age, they said. We got married only 8 months later. We had a plan. At 23, married, home owners... knowing we wanted to be parents, we made a DECISION to be young parents. Because what that meant is that we could FULLY enjoy being parents with energy to spare (haha whats that?) but it also meant that when our youngest would head off to college, we would only be in our mid 40s! I have friends NOW in their mid 40s with young kids. Nothing wrong with that at all but we knew that we wanted to be young parents. Period. So that when we got to 50, we would still have energy to travel and enjoy the world.
The cool thing is... we realized that having our kids early wouldn't necessarily mean we needed to wait. So, we travel. We live our lives. We travel with the kids, we travel without the kids. We do it... UNAPOLOGETICALLY.
This year I have traveled to Cabo for a girls trip and to Naples, FL for a weekend by myself. Must be nice is something I hear a lot about those trips. My husband? Traveled to Breckenridge for a ski trip and to Pittsburgh to visit family and friends by himself. Must be nice, they said. This year, we aren't waiting. We are traveling. We are going to enjoy our lives by seeing the things we want to and taking advantage of the opportunities we have. Must be nice, right? We just returned home from our 11 year anniversary trip to San Fransisco. Must be nice. Ha! Do you see the trend? I am not just putting that phrase in here for the heck of it. I am putting it in here, because we hear it. About a lot of things that we do. And you know what?? I'm not sorry. I am not apologizing.
Must be nice?
Yes. It IS nice. Between the two of us, we work FOUR businesses. My husband works his butt off to provide for our family. He makes sure that we have the roof over our head, the food on the table and the flexibility to do what we want when we can. I run my home like a well oiled machine, coach others to live more healthy and fulfilling lives and just started an Etsy business (shameless plug SewFitDesigns.etsy.com). Our lives are super stressful sometimes. Things don't always go the way we want. We fight, we make up, we are just normal people. We spend an exorbitant amount of time with our kids and on the other hand, spend time still being US. It IS nice.
So here is where I am going with this... I feel like so many people worry about what other people think of them. STOP. Who. Cares. !!!!! What is best for YOU? What makes YOU happy? What were your plans that you let others somehow dictate?
You wanna lose the weight? Go for it! Hire a trainer. Buy a workout program. If it is within your means, do it. Don't let someone make you feel guilty.
You want to save up for a nicer car or a bigger house or a pool or a boat? DO IT. When I see someone with a nice boat, I don't think "wow it must be nice to be them." No. I think, "wow, they must work really hard."
You want to burn through your savings by traveling the world? Who am I to tell you otherwise?! We only got this one life. And I don't want to miss opportunities to see the world.
You know what is true? It must be nice to have ZERO care about what other people say. If you are one of the people that do this, "must be nice to be them..."-type of person. Stop it. Just stop. Focus on what is right in YOUR life. Someone is ALWAYS going to be doing something cooler, driving a nicer car, living in a bigger house, traveling a lot. Always. You cannot waste your time worrying about them and how it must be nice to be them.
I used to hold my tongue when I had exciting news... I didn't want it to sound like I was bragging. But even when I did get around to telling people stuff like... my husband is taking me to San Fransisco and we are going to go to Napa Valley (hello bucket list!!) I heard those dreaded word. Must. Be. Nice. Well you know what? It was nice. Period. I'm not holding back anymore, and neither should you. Share your excitement with the world about WHATEVER you want. Not for anything, but at least I will be excited for you! :)
For God's sake, stop telling people "it must be nice."
I'm sorry goes a long way in those situations.
Where it doesn't belong is after sharing something exciting going on in YOUR life. What do I mean? It's the "must be nice" syndrome. I cannot even begin to tell you how much that phrase irks me. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have heard this in my life.
My life. Not yours. Not anyone else's. Mine.
I was raised in farm country outside of Pittsburgh, PA. My father was an airline pilot for a major carrier. "Must be nice," they said. Must be nice to have all that money. Must be nice to have a hard working father. Must be nice to have your mom be able to stay home and take care of FOUR children. Must be nice. They said.
Well you know what? I was sheltered from my father's income... I truly had no idea how much airline pilots made, nor did I care. I thought it was pretty awesome that my DAD took care of getting hundreds of people daily safely to their destinations. I was in awe of his skill and cool under incredibly stressful situations almost every single day on the job. My dad was also gone five days a week. We would say goodbye to him Monday morning (sometimes Sunday night if he left super early on Monday) and didn't see him (or hear from him really since it was before cell phones) until Friday night. My mom? She worked her ASS off to raise four humble, polite, respectful, God fearing children basically as a single mother. She carted our butts around to soccer and softball and gymnastics. She made meals, packed lunches and volunteered at our school. Yeah. Must be nice.
Fast forward to now. Must be nice is something I hear even MORE often. I used to shush it under the table, but you know what? I gotta say something. Must be nice to have a beautiful home in a tropical surfer town? Must be nice to be able to be a stay at home mom? Must be nice to drive a nice car? Must be nice to make our own schedules? Must. Be. Nice. I hear it A LOT. Gag me. Seriously.
My husband and I met when we were 21. He was already establishing himself in the medical equipment world with his own company. At TWENTY. ONE. He owned his own house and car and didn't live off his parents. When we got engaged the day after our 23rd birthdays (yes we were born 10 hours apart!! ---- FATE!), we were too young "they" said. People I hung out with back then? Must be nice to find someone at such a young age, they said. We got married only 8 months later. We had a plan. At 23, married, home owners... knowing we wanted to be parents, we made a DECISION to be young parents. Because what that meant is that we could FULLY enjoy being parents with energy to spare (haha whats that?) but it also meant that when our youngest would head off to college, we would only be in our mid 40s! I have friends NOW in their mid 40s with young kids. Nothing wrong with that at all but we knew that we wanted to be young parents. Period. So that when we got to 50, we would still have energy to travel and enjoy the world.
The cool thing is... we realized that having our kids early wouldn't necessarily mean we needed to wait. So, we travel. We live our lives. We travel with the kids, we travel without the kids. We do it... UNAPOLOGETICALLY.
This year I have traveled to Cabo for a girls trip and to Naples, FL for a weekend by myself. Must be nice is something I hear a lot about those trips. My husband? Traveled to Breckenridge for a ski trip and to Pittsburgh to visit family and friends by himself. Must be nice, they said. This year, we aren't waiting. We are traveling. We are going to enjoy our lives by seeing the things we want to and taking advantage of the opportunities we have. Must be nice, right? We just returned home from our 11 year anniversary trip to San Fransisco. Must be nice. Ha! Do you see the trend? I am not just putting that phrase in here for the heck of it. I am putting it in here, because we hear it. About a lot of things that we do. And you know what?? I'm not sorry. I am not apologizing.
Must be nice?
Yes. It IS nice. Between the two of us, we work FOUR businesses. My husband works his butt off to provide for our family. He makes sure that we have the roof over our head, the food on the table and the flexibility to do what we want when we can. I run my home like a well oiled machine, coach others to live more healthy and fulfilling lives and just started an Etsy business (shameless plug SewFitDesigns.etsy.com). Our lives are super stressful sometimes. Things don't always go the way we want. We fight, we make up, we are just normal people. We spend an exorbitant amount of time with our kids and on the other hand, spend time still being US. It IS nice.
So here is where I am going with this... I feel like so many people worry about what other people think of them. STOP. Who. Cares. !!!!! What is best for YOU? What makes YOU happy? What were your plans that you let others somehow dictate?
You wanna lose the weight? Go for it! Hire a trainer. Buy a workout program. If it is within your means, do it. Don't let someone make you feel guilty.
You want to save up for a nicer car or a bigger house or a pool or a boat? DO IT. When I see someone with a nice boat, I don't think "wow it must be nice to be them." No. I think, "wow, they must work really hard."
You want to burn through your savings by traveling the world? Who am I to tell you otherwise?! We only got this one life. And I don't want to miss opportunities to see the world.
You know what is true? It must be nice to have ZERO care about what other people say. If you are one of the people that do this, "must be nice to be them..."-type of person. Stop it. Just stop. Focus on what is right in YOUR life. Someone is ALWAYS going to be doing something cooler, driving a nicer car, living in a bigger house, traveling a lot. Always. You cannot waste your time worrying about them and how it must be nice to be them.
I used to hold my tongue when I had exciting news... I didn't want it to sound like I was bragging. But even when I did get around to telling people stuff like... my husband is taking me to San Fransisco and we are going to go to Napa Valley (hello bucket list!!) I heard those dreaded word. Must. Be. Nice. Well you know what? It was nice. Period. I'm not holding back anymore, and neither should you. Share your excitement with the world about WHATEVER you want. Not for anything, but at least I will be excited for you! :)
For God's sake, stop telling people "it must be nice."
I get it. I've heard it said to others and to me. My trip to Tanzania and Zanzibar? "Must be nice". It was bitter sweet. I was able to go 2 years ahead of schedule because my step brother died and left me the money to go. I tell people that now. The usual response is "oh". I don't know if people say it out of jealousy, or sarcasm or think they are being funny. But, the last time someone said that to me, I too said, "yes, it is".
ReplyDeleteGood for you just stating that YES it is nice. You work really hard to enjoy the fruits of your labor!!
DeleteWow Joslin I really needed this today! My only problem is actually implementing it into my mind and heart. Also one of the most important lessons we can pass onto our children, who probably hear it as well. When you work hard you will be rewarded and you shouldn't be ashamed because of it.
ReplyDeleteI heard it all the time as a child, so yes, I agree with you on making sure our children know that when you work hard... you can enjoy spending money or time on whatever it is that you want. No shame attached! ;-)
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